It makes sence to say, that if we spend time with a good book in hand,especially of the non-fiction genre, we are indeed not by ourselves, but literally, in the company of the author of the book in concern, in realtime. His views are our muse, albeit it has to be read, so the actuality is,reading keeps us in good company, if the author is someone respectable. Follow me so far..
More often than not, we constantly look for meaning and guidance from our own surroundings; family, friends, work, the market etc etc, but i should say,at the risk of sounding a little recluse, that good books are also a form of guidance, and not so much importance have been -placed on them. The reason i bring out this point is because i have just read this book, first published in 1978 by an eminent psychiatrist, M. Scott Peck, entitled ,'A Road Less Travelled', and the experience was enhilarating.
If felt as though the author was just by my side, bantering his views, and it was truly a joyful read, as true to the realm of psychiatry and its rules, life itself, actually, has rules. These rules are never taught to us, and most often than not, we are left by ourselves to make our own way,so to say, which is not a bad way to grow up. But what if, before heading out on this perilous journey, and making not only small harmless mistakes, but enormous mistakes of terrible proportions, we are told that there are some 'loose' rules that apply to life itself, to our family, to our friends, to ourselves, to love, to relationships and to God.
What if we have some guidance per se, before comitting ignorant errors and forming personalities so detrimental that they are irreversible?
If you have a chance to read this book, please do. It is a beautiful rendition of simple practical rules that would come in handy in our lives, and they make so much sence. I am not saying that, since i have now read this book, i am thus 'impearmeable' to correction, not that at all, all i am saying is that i am now humbled. Somethings i have believed in so dearly, so blindly, are so wrong, and others, things that i was never sure made sence, i do know now that there is someone out there who has the same opinions, and to me, that is such a relief.
I am so suprised that these 'rules' of life were around since the 70's (since this book was published first in 1978, and republished many times after that), that no one thought it important enough to share.Such a loss.
There is so much work to be done on a personal level, it is almost unbelivable.
I shall try and pen down a few things i felt were beautifully mentioned by Scott Peck, and i hope i in turn make sence. I will attempt to lift small poignant passages directly from his writing to avoid sending the wrong message across, and divide them accordingly. Let the revelations begin..
1. 'Life is difficult'. once we truly understand and accept it, then life is no longer difficult.The first of the 'Four Noble Truths' which Buddha was taught was 'Life is suffering'. Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. The 4 tools of discipline are delayed gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth and balancing.
Delaying gratification : process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure of meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with.
2. Many people simply do not take the time necessary to solve many of life's intellectual, social or spiritual problems.Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit. This inclination to ignore problems is once again a simple manifestation of the unwillingness to delay gratification. Confronting problems is painful. To willingly confront a problem early, before we are forced to confront it by circumstances, means to put aside something pleasant or less painful for something more painful.
3. We must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it. We cannot solve a problem by saying 'its not my problem'.We cannot solve a problem by hoping someone else will solve it for us.The extent to which people will go psychologically to avoid assuming responsibility for personal problems, while always sad, is sometimes almost ludicrous.
4. The problem of distinguishing what we are and what we are not responsible for in this life is one of the greatest problems of human existence. It is never completely solved; for the entirety of our lives we must continually assess and reassess where our respobsibilities lie in the everchanging course of evets. Nor is this assessment and reassessment painless if performed adequately and conscientiously. To perform either process adequately, we must possess the willingness and the capacity to suffer continual self examination. It is only through a vast amount of experience and a lengthy and successful maturation that we gain the capacity to see the world and our place in it realisticaly, and thus enabled to realistically assess our responsibility for ourselves and the world.
5. The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behaviour lies in the desire to avoid the pain of consequences of that behavior.
6. Truth is reality. Our view of reality is like a map with which we negotiate the terrain of life. If the map is true and accurate, we will generally know how to get there. If the map is false and innacurate, we will generally be lost. The world itself is constantly changing. The biggest problem of map-making is not that we have to start from scratch, but that if our maps are to be accurate,we have to continually revise them.The process of making revisions, particularly major revisions, is painful, sometimes excruciatingly painful, and herein lies the major source of the many ills of mankind. (i think the author is implying that even our principles, born from our experiences, are not nearly perfect and they too need amendment from time to time, as we mature). The painful effort required seems frightening, almost overwhelming. What we do more often than not, and usually unconsicously, is to ignore the new information. Rather than try to change the map, an individual may try and destroy the new reality. Sadly, such a person may expend much more energy ultimately in defending an OUTMODED view of the world than would have been required to revise and correct in the first place.
7. Transference is that set of ways of perceiving and responding to the world which is developed in childhood and which is usually entirely appropriate to the childhood .Truth or reality is avoided when it is painful. We can revise our maps only when we have the discipline to overcome the pain.To have such discipline, we must be totally dedicated to the truth.This is to say that we must always hold truth, as best we can determine it, to be more important, more vital than our self interest, than our comfort.Conversely, we must always consider our personal discomfort relatively unimportant and, indeed ,even welcome it in the service of the search for truth.
8. A life of total dedication to the truth also means a life of willingness to be personally challenged. The only way that we can be certain that our map of reality is valid is to expose it to the criticism and challenge of other map makers. Otherwise we live in a closed system, within a bell jar. Yet because of the pain inherent in the process of revising our map of reality, we mostly seek to avoid or ward off any challenges to its validity.
9. The expression of opinions, feelings, ideas and even knowledge must be supressed from time to time in the course of human affairs. What rules, then, can one follow if one is dedicated to the truth?
a. Never speak falsehood.
b. Bear in mind that the act of witholding the truth is always potentially a lie,
and that in each instance in which the truth is witheld a significant moral
decision is required.
c. The decision to withold the truth should never be based on personal needs,
such as the need for power, a need to be liked or a need to protect one's
map from challenge.
d. The decision to withold the truth must always be entirely upon the needs
of the person or people from whom the truth is being witheld.
e. The assessment of another's needs is an act of responsibility which is so
complex that it can only be executed wisely when one operates with
genuine love for the other.
f. The primary factor in the assessment of another's needs is the assessment
of that person's capacity to utilize the truth for his or her own spiritual
growth.
g. In assessing the capacity of another to utilize the truth for personal
spiritual growth, it should be borne in mind that our tendency is generally
to underestimate rather than overestimate this capacity.
All this might seem like an extraordinary task, impossible to ever perfectly complete, a chronic and never ending burden, a real drag. And it is indeed a never ending burden of self discipline, which is why most people opt for a life of very limited honesty and openness and relative closedness, hiding themselves and their maps from the world. It is easier that way. Yet the rewards of the difficult life of honesty and dedication to the truth are more than commensurate with the demands. By virtue of the fact that their maps are continually being challenged, open people are continually growing people. Through their openness, they can establish and maintain intimate relationships far more effectively than more closed people. Becasue they never speak falsely they can be secure and proud in the knowledge that they have done nothing to contribute to the confusion of the world, but have served as sources of illumination and clarification. Finally, they are totally free to be. They are not burdened by any need to hide. And ultimately, they find that the energy required for self discipline of honesty is far less than the energy required for secretiveness.
10. It is necessary that the higher centers of our brain(judgement) be able to regulate and modulate the lower centers(emotion).To function successfully in our complex world it is necessary for us to possess the capacity not only to express our anger but also not to express it. Moreover, we must possess the capacity to express our anger in different ways. At times, for instance, it is necessary to express it after much deliberation and self-evaluation.
The ten points above are only merely small portions of Scott Pecks insights, and in his book, he includes true patient scenarios (as he is a psychiatrist by profession), to illustrate the concepts and the contex of his views. How fascinating!
A must read for those in search of meaning, of understanding, of love, of responsibility and above all, the search for answers to our subconscious deepest darkest confusions.
Goodday!
