I had this really interesting chat last Saturday bout the whole concept of existence and the different roles we play, then the statement we are here for a 'reason, season, or a lifetime' came up all of a sudden, not by me, but by a member of the chat team. It had seems that due to our dear Miss Facebook and her lovely forward button, this saying had travelled the world.
Then THE question was posed, if indeed this statement holds true, do we fix our roles before jumping into a bond, or is it the other way round?
Let me explain, the questioner said this, if we predetermine that we will only be acquantainces/friends for a season, how much are we willing to do for this person, if our role is only limited by this statement?
The eternal question is, which came first, the 'egg or the chicken'..Similarly, are our roles predetermined, or does life itself, wonderfully lived thru struggles and heartaches = The final determinant?
The chat was underway, sleeves roled up, biceps flexed, lipsticks reapplied*(for females only okaay), curles straigtened, and hairs were made into buns :) What would the answer be? Some people would feel that this is an OPEN AND SHUT CASE, no need for elaboration..I say its the opposite of the chicken and egg dilemma..No end in sight, the chat was turning nasty..cups of coffee were added to the equation, hoping a quick answer would save the day...
Is it wrong of me to say that i believe we determine our roles only at the end of OUR journey..that we give it our all, be ourselves, offer kindness unconditionally, and see how far we go with one another, building strong bonds as we go along? Are we 'saving' the better qualities of ourselves ONLY for the ONE, and until that 'being' surfaces, we behave half heartedly,SAVING THE BEST OF OURSELVES, so as to NEATLY AND SYSTEMATICALLY ATTACK the ONE once the one when he/she is identified?
Is there a guarantee ALL THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT US PACKACGED NICELY AND MAILED TO 'THE ONE' GUARANTEES US CERTAINTY THAT 'THE ONE' WOULD LOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY?
IS THIS AN ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY?
I say nay!
If this were true, that this is the ONLY TRUE MEANS OF 100% SURITY OF GRAPSING MR/MS RIGHT, how much of ourselves do we keep tucked away till the day comes, if it does come, that we are acquainted with THE ONE?
Do we tuck away the best of ourselves, so much of ourselves, that it eats us up without knowing it...Becasue WE ARE TRICKED INTO FEELING so so so so UNMISTAKABLE, that when the certain someone comes along, our Pandoras box of self accumulated wealth will pour out with such VIGOR and CERTAINLY MESMERISE THE OTHER?
Or will it still not be enough, and we TUCK AWAY EVEN MORE, EATING UP MORE OF OURSELVES, TILL WE HAVE NOTHING MORE TO GIVE TO THE PRESENT, SAVING FOR OUR FUTURE?
WASTE AWAY OUR CURRENT LIFES FOR 'FUTURE INVESTMENTS'?
In the process, hide who we really are FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS, WHILE IT EATS US FROM THE INDSIDE FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS, all for the LEGENDARY NUMERO UNO, THE STUFF DREAMS ARE MADE OF.
My rationale, being unorthodox, drew doubtful looks from the crowd, and I was gunned down for failiing to comply. But am i all that wrong? What are we waiting for? Are we afraid we will get tired of being who we are when the TRUE MS/MR RIGHT comes along, THAT WE JUST CANNOT FOLLOW THROUGH ANYMORE? But if indeed the above statement IS true, our lifes should be preordained and everyone should come with a label on their foreheads saying 'short term friend','long term friend','enemy' or 'soulmate'..but we all know this isnt true. Shouldnt our destiny be determined at least after 3/4 of the journey or 3/4 of the effort, if indeed our intentions are pure?
Shouldnt a role be finalised retrospectively and not prospectively?
What say you to the idea, that based on OUR actions and personality, and our ENTWINED FATES, will the ROLE of the other be CLEARER..nothing is written yet, or even better, nothing is chiseled in our lifes and in our hearts, as yet, as its for US to decide by the day, everyday...Put a boy in an island alone and he is a survivor, put him in a field and he is an athlete..what happens when you put an 'athlete' on a 'island' and tell him ,'you're a athlete, behave as one? Expecting him to run lapses around the deserted island?.
Our roles change, courtesy of our surroundings,coupled with the need for us to be more than who we are, to be the pillar of support for those around us when support is needed and to be more than we could ever dream of! We are only limited by our lack of imagination, by our fears...
Let our actions, our care, our kindness, our charm, our honesty, our true self and by CIRCUMSTANCES..ONLY these + THE COURSE OF OUR LIFES = Be the determinants required to label someone, if he's a person who will last a season, or only for a reason, or more than that..NO ONE COMES WITH ONES ROLES PREFIXED AND HIS DESTINT PREORDAINED, or does he? It is your actions + thoughts + willingness to better ourselves that define us and our role, and as we evolve, so will our role..and thats what i'd like to call hope..We all have second chances....
Yes this is tiring, to be positive thru many, to be strong and be let down, to be happy and then deserted, to smile when there is no guarantees, but hey, isnt this what its all about..?
How would we feel if we went into housemanship and labels of our carrier be tattooed on our foreheads like lab rats, eg: U = PAEDIATRICIAN ,HE = OBSTETRICIAN, SHE = DUMBO CHRONIC MO, ME = ANESTHETIST.
I believe this, dont you?
Where is the freedom and joy in having a role preordained, and not subject to blossom from sheer passion, relentless drive, ambition and neverending effort?
I guess for me, Gilda Radner said it best (the top most caption)
It was an interesting Saturday after all....
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